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Rocky’s Burger Bus

4645 12 Street Southeast
Calgary, AB
T2G 5P2

Map


Wunder BunWunder Bun’s Overall Score: 62/100

Overall experience 10/10
My Grandpa was a cattle rancher. He always loved pumping his bravado by telling me a tall tale about one dark morning heading down to the corral to saddle his horse and by mistake he saddled a bear instead. Rocky’s Burgers is the beast we tried to saddle on this quest. I ordered the Rocky’s with bacon and tried to ride it like a quarter horse but this gut buster rides bucks like a bear.

An old bus half buried on the side of a hill, tucked away in an industrial area with only picnic tables for dining open year round in Canada. Perfect. Though the porta-potty will make me avoid visiting on minus temperature days.

Read the full review...


Bun 13/30
5 points for attendance and 8 more for effort as this bun managed to stay on this burger till the last bite, but it had to spread itself pretty thin to do it. This bun was like a generic hat and Velcro sneakers from the SAAN store; it covers the top and bottom with innocuous style.

Meat 26/30
This patty/ loaf is the burger, I’m not saying this as some figure of speech to try and get at some deeper concept about this burger that would be lost in a literal description, the patty accounts for 98% of the mass of this burger. This patty is like a meat hazing and every time you eat one a vegetarian angel looses its wings. Despite a poor bun to meat ratio, this meat was some of the freshest, juiciest, tastiest and least tampered with meat I have ever had between two pieces of starch. I’m scoring it high based on the fact that they let the flavor of ground beef (my guess would be chuck) sing. They flat grilled it and let speak for itself. But please Rocky! season your patty/softball a bit more before frying.

P.S. If you ordered the double, you are eligible for a 15% discount next time you visit Rocky’s colonic spa.

Toppings 13/30
Toppings 13/30
I asked for the Rocky’s special with bacon and no relish. Translated this is a Rocky’s single that comes topped with a slice of American cheese, some chopped white onion, a few chunks of bacon flavored carbon and mustard. The mustard and onion hide sparingly under the lid and the bacon and cheese have been kidnapped and thrown in the trunk, never to be seen, or tasted again.

Other considerations
I am not new to Rocky’s Burger Bus, but for me the quest has contextualized the burger in a much finer balance along the sharp edge of sublime consideration when it comes to elevating one burger above all others. Rocky’s to me is blue collar, hard working certified. I cannot argue that Rocky’s is an institution in some circles and by whatever criteria they have set who or what am I to say except for: Rocky you are my burger call when I want to suffer the meat sweats to impress guys that show up to football games exposing their man boobs so they can be a letter in a word.

Final Evaluation: What would you do to have one of these again?
1 out of every 10 times I am heading north on Blackfoot trail to eat at Holy Smoke I will turn left instead of right.

Flavour SabreFlavour Sabre’s Overall Score: 54/100

Overall experience 9/10
As a burger aficionado, I am embarrassed to admit that this was my first trip to the famed burger bus. The positive side of this is that I went in totally fresh, like going into a movie that you haven’t even seen the preview for. It’s a great adventure that either leads to surprise or disappointment.

Rocky’s offers a unique experience for a burger joint. The bus is an actual old bus that is kind of built into the hill and sort of resembles a fortified bunker. It is in the middle of the industrial area, so you can watch huge trucks go by while eating amongst parking lots that hold huge tractors. It made me feel pretty manly – then I returned to my desk job and had my afternoon cappuccino. Oh, you do not want to be around me when I miss my afternoon cap.

Read the full review...


Bun 15/30
This bun was merely there. It did its job by holding the burger together and had decent consistency, but it did not add any flavour or texture to the experience. You know what this bun reminded me of? Have you ever been telling a story to someone about something that happened and then the person you are telling it to says, “yeah, I know, I was there.” And you respond ,” you were?” And then the person just looks at you awkwardly. That is this bun.

Meat 25/30
I am really torn on this one. This burger threw me quite a curveball and since I suck at baseball, I think this was a swing and a miss.

Rocky’s fame, as I learned, comes from the ridiculous amount of meat that they put on the burger. My guess is at least 300 grams of meat. Think about that, that’s over half a pound of pure ground meat. I guess Rocky believes in the “more to love” philosophy.

If you have been following the quest, you will know that I am not a fan of the thin patty, but I am not a fan of the oversized patty either. How about some moderation? The middle of the burger is just… so meaty. The thing that blew my mind was that you could get a double burger. A DOUBLE. I can’t even…

The plus on this is that the meat is really delicious. It is really savoury and very well cooked. It melts in your mouth, which is a bit of a different experience for a burger. It really reminded me of a shepherds pie. Not sure if I want that in a burger, but it was tasty.

Toppings 5/30
This was the most disappointing part of this burger by far. I asked for my burger loaded and I got some relish, cheese,onions, and mustard. That’s it. No pickle, no tomato, and no lettuce.

Not only did they not offer the essential toppings, the toppings that they put on the burger were non-existent in terms of flavour. They were hastily mushed into the bun and then disappeared from the equation. The cheese was on the bottom bun, but was so overwhelmed by the sheer weight of the patty that it was d.o.a. It reminded me the Looney Tunes when Wile E Coyote got creamed by a rock and got totally compressed. I can’t remember which episode it was…

Other considerations
The fries at Rocky’s are really good, but I could only have three on account of the massive burger taking all available space in my stomach.

The main thing you have to think of when you go here is that you will have the worst food coma ever. It surpasses the time I hit the Indian buffet and ate a million samosas and three servings of butter chicken. It goes like this:

Eat the burger, feel ok

Get back to work, sit in chair, start to feel a little slow.

20 minutes later eyes glaze over and stomach discomfort at 50%

1 hour later, head bobs in full effect, 100% stomach discomfort, secretly have undone belt.

2 hours later (in a meeting) – talking gibberish, forgot to do up belt and realise that pants button is undone too.

3 hours later – gone home early, lying on couch in state of semi consciousness for rest of evening

Final Evaluation: What would you do to have one of these again?
I feel like this is a place you would go to on a booze fuelled evening that ends up the usual idiotic “dare game.” Someone would say, “I dare you to eat two Rocky’s burgers,” and stupidly, with unjustified confidence I would say, “I’ll have three.”

White GravyWhite Gravy’s Overall Score: 58/100

Overall experience 9/10
When it comes to Calgary landmark burger spots….Peter’s is for show, Rocky’s is for a Pro.

When someone comes into town and want to have that “unique burger experience” take them to Rocky’s Burger Bus. There is simply nowhere else like it and for that reason alone they score big points when it comes to experience.

No doubt that a drawback of any burger bus in Calgary is that in the winter – you can’t enjoy your dining experience in the great outdoors (unless a Chinook is rolling through). But on a hot summer day – is there a better way to spend a long lunch?

The staff at Rocky’s are always uber friendly and you can tell they take a great deal of pride in their work. There’s a constant stream of great characters popping by – hard working Calgarians who make this city what it is. Rocky’s clientele is a big part of what makes this place tick.

Extra points goes to Rocky’s for their close proximity to DJ’s Market – Calgary’s BEST outdoor fruit/veg stand. You can fill your trunk with an amazing amount of fresh produce for under 30 bucks. Yeah this is burger quest but White Gravey ain’t afraid to snack on some fresh veg from time to time.

Read the full review...


Bun 14/30
In some ways the bun is the true hero of this burger tale. It is being asked to hold up under a stupid amount of meat…and for the most part it does OK. It is aided by the fact that toppings are minimal (more on that later) so it really only needs to concern itself without not allowing the patty to make a daring escape. Keep in mind though that the clock is ticking. If you lollygag your bun will start to disintegrate under the sheer volume of meat it is being asked to contain.

But that’s all it does. It adds nothing in the way of texture or taste – it is just a vessel to carry the beef forward from the wrapper to your gob.

Meat 25/30
This burger is all about the meat. I don’t know how much this bad boy weighs – but I figure there’s well over ½ a pound of beef on the single burger. (As an aside – who are the fatties ordering DOUBLES from Rocky’s. That’s a little overboard don’t you think?).

The quality of this beef is superb. We’re talking home-style-just-like-Momma-used-to-make patties. The taste is fantastic with just the right amount of juiciness that allows the meat to fall apart in your mouth and a gorgeous char.

But…there’s just too damn much of it.

I’d love to try this burger with a reasonably sized patty that allows you to enjoy the tastes of the other ingredients. There’s no balance here….just the taste of beef with a little touch of onions. Everything other ingredient is left behind – alone and shivering in the corner.

Toppings 10/30
Toppings Shmoppings says Rocky!

To say toppings are an afterthought would suggest that they are thought about at all at The Bus…and that sure ain’t the case.

No lettuce.
No tomato.
No pickle.

Just some diced onions, relish and mustard – with the option to add ketchup.

With a full a half-ton of beef on this burger there really isn’t much room for anything else – which is why you don’t see much above the ‘basic basics’ making an appearance. But again this means there isn’t much of the way of a full taste experience. Even a dill pickle would do wonders to help offer your mouth something…anything…beyond beef.

Other considerations
This burger is a novelty. It is a circus freak-show. It is the bearded woman of Calgary burgers…or more accurately….the 1,000 pound man.

When you want to impress your co-workers with how much beef you can get down, horrify your girlfriend with your gluttonous abilities, or simply over-eat for…well the sake of over-eating….Rocky’s is your joint.

But for day-to-day enjoyment of burgers it just doesn’t work. The taste balance is completely off-kilter and in many ways it doesn’t even seem like you are eating a burger…but rather trying to consume small cow slapped down between two inadequate pieces of bun with some toppings thrown in just for appearance’s sake.

I don’t mean to come down to hard on Rocky’s…it’s a fun, totally unique place that is fully deserving of its place in Calgary burger culture….but it simply fails on too many levels to get an overly positive review.

Final Evaluation: What would you do to have one of these again?
I would starve myself for a full week ahead of my meal at Rocky’s so I could maybe actually finish my burger for once.

 


Gallery


Rocky's Burger Bus on Urbanspoon

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