Bun 11/30
I have never seen a more perfect set of grill marks on a burger, let alone the bun. This thing hit my table with the same feramone-ic impact that unconsciously drives construction workers to cat call and whistle. Despite my wobbly approach, this bun let me take a bite or two. I was surprised at the crusty blandness of this bunny, certainly a bun this pretty is not a mistake. Naw, this bun has edge.

Meat 15/30
This stunning looking burger is served with two thin patties. As a result, I will drop the metaphors for a moment and instead I want to celebrate the innovative approach. Most joints will offer double patties to appeal to the brute looking to impress and compensate with quantity. Because of the thinness of the patties at Holy Grill my guess is that they are looking to maximize the surface area for a bigger blast of crusty sear – the jewel of any serious patty pile. Unfortunately, the sear on my burger was wet. There was a slight kiss of salt, but not enough to elevate the flavor overall. Nonetheless, I could feel the stares of those waiting to order trying to figure out how these two beautiful twins would be caught dead with a fat derelict like me.

Toppings 28/30
In the interest of not showing up to my reunion as a sperm whale, well a fat sperm whale… I have been trying to eat healthier. I have to admit that this vanity lead me down a strange path at holly grill. Blue cheese, avocado, tomato, onions, and mustard. Obviously with this order I’m not Jenny from the block. Everything was fresh and looked like it had been prepped by the knife of Morimoto. This burger was a picture; headshots for a refined exotic beauty that gave off an effortless smile. I can’t fault the palates of other men, but though this combination sat on my plate like a super model it tasted like frosted extensions, hoop earrings and Brittany Spears cologne.

In pursuing a more open and honest WunderBun, I cannot hold holy grill accountable to the fact that I dumped my bacon and cheese girlfriend of thirty years for a one lunch stand with an exotic beauty; inevitably to be left with a bad taste in my mouth. The toppings on their own tasted as good as they looked.

Other considerations
I feel a little guilty like “it’s me not you” with this quest. I ordered outside of my standard and any time I have dumped a burger my “cake and eat it too” mentality slash insecurity often takes me back for a “just to make sure” hook up.

I already said I’d meet some friends at the bar, you cool if I swing by your place after last call?

Final Evaluation: What would you do to have one of these again?
I will ride a scooter for this burger and hope my friends don’t see me.

Bun 6/30
Holy Grill’s take on the burger bun is certainly a deviation from burger orthodoxy. I am not sure what they are going for here, perhaps a reformed burger, but I’m not liking what they are selling. At first I thought that they made a mistake, but when comparing burgers with my fellow questers, I discovered that indeed it was their intent to have two bottom style buns make up their bun. That would be like making a sandwich with the bum ends; you can do it at home when no one is looking, but you can’t do that in public. No way.

But it went one step further, as they doubled down on their bum-end buns and grilled them, making them crunchy throughout. Two crunchy buns do absolutely nothing for squeezability and fall apart, making it impossible to eat the burger properly start to finish. I started to get that weird feeling you get when people ask you “if you have heard the good news,” and was left with a permanently raised eyebrow for the remainder of the meal.

Meat 12/30
Given how good the sandwiches are here, I was hoping that the meat would redeem the bun factor. The sandwiches are so full of high quality meat that I am always so surprised at how well they understand the importance proportionality in sandwich construction reaching a level of illumination that few have in this area. Unfortunately, burgers ain’t sandwiches (or maybe they are – a division of followers of the quest may emerge because of this simple statement and could fracture the community for hundreds of years – please don’t let that happen since it would be really really really stupid) and the meat not only failed to redeem the bun, but contributed to my raised eyebrow with a polite close-lipped smile. Oh, you think that serving mushy meat with burn marks that has a weird taste is the way to go? Close-lipped smile emerges.

Toppings 20/30
By this point, I just wanted to get through this experience and call it a day. What more could happen to further disappoint me? Well, the toppings that were on the burger were OK, but I noticed the absence of a flavour that, at this point, could not be ignored. Where is the pickle?! So, the raised eyebrow and crooked smile have now been wiped away with a huge sigh, head thrown back with eyes looking up at the ceiling as a result of weight of the cumulative craziness that I have just experienced. Holy Grill, I think I’ll be on my way now, and no, you can’t leave me with reading material.

Other considerations
This quest has really made me think. Is the relative zeal for the perfect burger that I share with my fellow questers going to turn us into a bunch of dogmatic sad old men with giant waistlines? Can the answers to all of life’s questions be found in the discussions of the minutiae related to burgers? Is one of us the burger Rashi? Are we awaiting something that will come, or will never be – the 100 point burger? And what do we do when/if it happens? Is this burger the only true burger, thus ending the quest? What if it is not universally recognized as the 100 pointer? Will the quest form warring factions as a result? Pfft, now way any of that could happen. Something like that happening is way too ridiculous to take place…

Final Evaluation: What would you do to have one of these again?
I am not going to have one of the burgers here again, but I will definitely be back for a sandwich. I would even let someone tell me all about the good news to have one of those.

Overall experience 8/10
I had high hopes for this place. I was told they did killer sandwiches, so I expected the same from their burgers.

Arriving at Holy Grill, I immediately noticed the place was SLAMMED. Credit to the on the ball staff, who managed to keep the queue moving at a brisk pace. They turn over a lot of customers – which is one of the secrets to the restaurant game.

Holy Grill has the frenetic energy of a joint that is just barely keeping up with the customer flow. The interior is packed, and isn’t really the type of place where you want to linger over a long lunch. But if you journey outside (as we did) the patio offers a calmer, and more leisurely experience. The view stinks though – as basically you are eating in an alley.

Overall though, it is everything that a hopping lunch destination should be.

Bun 8/30
I’ve ranted before on BQ about the failings of allowing form to trump function and Holy Grill is yet another unfortunate victim of this, as a result of what is arguably the worst bun encountered on The Quest so far. That speaks volumes, keeping in mind some of the terrible burgers we have encountered.

For one – there is no top, just what appear to be two bottoms. Pointless and altogether odd.

Both “bottoms” are far too thin for a burger that is quite juicy. This may have worked, if the burger was soft, allowing some of that moisture to be absorbed. Instead though, the bun was over-toasted causing it to crack and fall apart one bite in. Anarchy!

The rest of the meal was a battle to try and keep this burger in tact – a battle I lost. 10 minutes and about 8 napkins later I finished – and rather than feeling full and satisfied – the prevailing emotion was frustration.

My guess is that this is a high quality bun from a good local supplier. But it is a horrendous choice.

Meat 19/30
When it comes to the meat, strange decisions were made here too.

You can only get double burgers at HG. However, the patties are quite thin, so the amount of actual beef you are consuming is probably equivalent to a large single at most pubs.

This approach should have resulted in two patties with some delicious crunch. Ah – that was not to be, instead the meat was strangely soft and frankly had very little taste.

I trust that the fine folks at Holy Grill have sourced out quality meat, so that’s not the issue. I think this is a case of someone overthinking a burger, trying to do something different, and instead producing something that is quite inferior.

I also have to wonder if they have designed a burger that specifically allows them to keep up with the lunch crowd – choosing a thinner, quicker-to-cook, patty instead of something more substantial.

Either way – it doesn’t work.

Toppings 26/30
The toppings did all they could to make up for the shortcomings of the bun and the beef.

For fans of putting an egg on a burger – Holy Grill knows how to do it right. Best in the city. A big beautiful sunny-side egg proudly placed on top of the rest of the toppings. One bite in and the delicious yolk exploded through the rest of the burger. This explosion of deliciousness did underscore the fatal flaw of the inferior bun.

Some points have to be docked for not including a pickle – particularly on a burger that is desperate in need of a flavor kick.

Other considerations
The restaurant business is a tough one. Some stats put the failure rate at over 90%. So I’m always impressed when I find a place that has seemed to figure it out.

Holy Grill certainly applies.

They move through gobs of customers – particularly during the lunch crunch.

They make good use of a very small space – and maximize it further with their patio.

Labor costs are minimized by having customers picked up their food when called, and clearing their own plates. This also allows prices to remain affordable – which is important since their wheelhouse is the noon hour, when folks generally don’t want to shell out 20 bucks.

The food is fresh, made to order, but prepared extremely quickly, allowing all the important business types to get back to their important things in their important buildings.

On this basis, Holy Grill is going to be around a long time.

Final Evaluation: What would you do to have one of these again?
There’s no way I’m going to use up my one burger per week on a place that doesn’t even understand why having a top bun is important.

But that doesn’t mean I won’t be returning to Holy Grill.

In fact with a bevy of healthy choices on the menu – this may be a regular spot for me.

Rest assured though, as I peck away at my mixed greens, I’ll be dreaming of better burgers at places like Naina’s, Five Guys and Clive.

Getting old (and fat) sucks.