Bun 17/30
Not a bad offering for the expected mom and pop shop, but not exceptional by any starch of the imagination either. No distinct flavor profile to this bun unless you count the sesame seeds. A nice skiff of sesame seeds always goes a long way to validate a typical bun experience, but with my burger consumption doubling in the last while – it will take more than some sesame seeds to distract me away from the plastic bag flavor of a bun that is only good enough. I will however give a nod to the fact that I ordered up a burger with some formidable wet toppings and this bun did not mush under the pressure. All in all, whatever.

Meat 17/30
The wider we search for the best burger the more I despise a frozen meat puck. I must admit that the frozen offering from Giant Burger has been handled in the best way possible considering the starting point. I would go as far as to say that the meat in this eskimo cow patty probably occupies a higher than average rank on the processed frozen ground scale. Nonetheless. this burger relies on a flat grill sear to seal in an assortment of processed salts and preservatives to give it flavor. As is the case with most processed foods, the scientist should take the credit and not the food itself. This type of food seemed good enough as a teenager and I can easily find a fiscal rationalization for this antiquated approach to serving up ” A meal” – but a rationalization in these days of knowledgable healthy consumption is not a justification. It is simply in poor taste.

Toppings 23/30
I have stayed with a standard by always choosing the bacon cheeseburger when questing. I thought I would mix it up a bit at Giant Burger and found myself chewing through the pineapple waters of The Big Hawaiian burger. Essentially, this is a single patty Big Mac-esque burger made with mozzarella instead of American cheese, stacked with bacon and a full ring of canned pineapple.

Only the guy that is committed to a Hawaiian shirt can pull it off on a more than costume occasions. You put one on and the colors are all bright pretty but powerful,like an exotic poisonous fish. You think, “Damn, I look good, I have bold style…. I am like a killer Don Ho” until the first sarcastic “nice shirt” comment lets all the air out of your blow hole and leaves you feeling all wrapped up in a withered muti-coloured party ballon. I was getting a similar feeling to this while I enjoyed my tropical burger in front of the fellas.

Teething my way through this island inspired burger Flav and Gravy kept shooting me telling glances. They did not need words for me to hear what they were saying from behind their man burgers: ” Did that burger come with a side of bra and panties?” I shot them looks back and I’m pretty sure they could hear my thoughts too: ” No, it came with a side of grass skirt, bikini top and shut up this tastes great”.

Other considerations
I have never been to Hawaii, but I assume that it will be almost as good as the picturesque images that I have ingested through media over the years. In this same line of thinking, Giant Burger tastes about as good as the outside of the place looks. I have not painted a flattering picture of this place, but it is not horrible either- it is exactly what you thought it was every time you drove by it and chose not to stop in for a burger.

The fries and rings were great, but I seem to say that for all the joints that don’t quite measure up with their burgers. I will be going back, however, but not for a burger staycation in Hawaii. No, this time I am going back for a Korean get away with Giant Burgers offering of the Bulgogi burger. Bulgogi translated means fire meat and at the risk of it also being the side effects of an infection, I will need to man up and give it a go because for ten bucks my overall trip to Hawaiian paradise was not that bad.

Final Evaluation: What would you do to have one of these again?
I will wear a Hawaiian shirt to work and I will take the first person that says “nice shirt” to Giant Burger for some fire meat.

Bun 23/30
To use Wunder Bun’s terminology, this bun is a real fluffer. It is covered in sesame seeds, is a good size for the burger, and has the important squeezability factor. It was nicely toasted and provided a slight sweetness to the overall flavour experience. There was no bottom bun run out and it contained the juices very well. The only drawback is that this bun is fairly standard. There really is nothing too special about it. The good thing is that Giant Burger gets good mileage out of it since it was well prepared and very fresh.

Meat 19/30
I have had this patty before at other local burger establishments like Angel’s. It is thin and provides some flavour, but it does not play the important role in the burger that it should since it is a pre-fab patty. It’s a relatively high quality patty for what it is, but it has limitations. You can only go so far with this kind of patty, like the perennial minor leaguer who is good, but has hands of stone and is a mediocre skater. The materials with which he has to work will only get him so far. Retire him and this patty and get some new high quality talent.

Toppings 23/30
There are quite a few options at Giant, some zanier than others, so I decided to stick with a classic. The toppings were well executed with a tip of the hat to the generous and delicious portion of American cheese. So many places overlook the importance of the cheese, most like on account of cost, to their own detriment. Giant nailed it on this one. The rest of the toppings were good, but again, fairly standard. My guess is that the majority of their ingredients come from Costco. Nothing wrong with that since Costco rules – they have this outdoor pizza oven right now that I want like I have never wanted anything in my life – but it does not offer the most unique ingredients for a burger.

Other considerations
I think that I took a shining to this place more than my fellow questers. When thinking about it, I think it has to to do with the following:
1) The price is right. Burger, delicious fries, and a drink all for around ten dollars. Finally, a place the gets it.
2) Small business with pride: Good small businesses are vital to the character and culture of a community, and this is a good small business. They serve decent food in a great atmosphere without pretence. Real estate agents should start putting good burger joints in their features list: house is near schools, pools, transit, and a good burger joint. That would certainly get my attention.

Final Evaluation: What would you do to have one of these again?
This is a well executed utility burger that I would have again without hesitation. I envision myself going to the comic book and record stores down the street, discovering something super rare, and then heading over to Giant to top it all off with a burger.

Overall experience 6/10
New owners are in place, and they’ve completely re-vamped the menu offering a broader range of burger types, toppings and other meals.

From an atmosphere point of view, Giant is pretty meh. The place is clean, but certainly doesn’t give you any motivation to stick around any longer than it takes for you to wolf down your burger.

I’m also docking points for the name itself. If you call yourself Giant Burger you should be serving up…giant burgers.

Bun 18/30
Store bought and bland, but at least somewhat fresh. Either we hit Giant on the day their bun shipment arrived, or they get regular deliveries. Either way this decidedly adequate bun was good enough, but not really worthy of any more discussion.

Meat 17/30
You have a lot of choice when it comes to the meat at Giant. I picked the Wild Dave burger (who is Wild Dave?) which is their basic utility burger. But they also offer Angus, Korean-style bulgogi burgers, and even a Himalayan Steak Burger (which isn’t really a burger at all).

Regardless, the meat on my burger was obviously the same type of frozen, pre-formed crud that we’ve had to choke down all-too-often during out quests. I am tempted to fry up a fresh burger at home, drive down to Giant, reach across the counter and ram that meat down the throat of the owner while bellowing “THIS IS WHAT BURGER MEAT IS SUPPOSED TO TASTE LIKE”.

But to be fair, Giant is far from alone when it comes to the sin of frozen meat. It is an epidemic amongst the lower end burger spots in this town.

Perhaps some of their other burgers offer better meat, but just because I’m ordering a basic burger doesn’t mean I have to accept frozen garbage.

Toppings 20/30
As part of the larger menu, you can now choose from a wider array of toppings, and lookie here, I can an add egg…and you know damn well I did.

In recent weeks I’ve ranted about the inability of most places to actually cook an egg properly, and once again that was the case here. My egg was not badly over-cooked, but it was done to the point that the yolk had hardened. Yet, much to my surprise, it worked. Though hard, I was still able to taste the yolk in almost every bite and the egg white itself was cooked perfectly. So, while they didn’t cook the egg properly, it was a step above the burnt rendition that I’ve had almost every other place (Clive excluded).

The rest of the toppings were also strong – with crisp lettuce, a nice tomato and flavorful cheese. Toppings were the one thing the old owners did well and it looks like the new folks have carried that forward.

A word of caution though – don’t order the mushrooms, unless you basically want a can of ‘shroom soup dumped on your burg. Barf.

Other considerations
As you can see I don’t have a ton of nice things to say about Giant Burger, and yet I walked out feeling pretty good about the experience. Why? Because I was expecting shit. The bar was so low, that the fact that some minor improvements have been made, tempts me to give Giant a stronger review than it probably merits.

Is this place REALLY better than CBs, Inglewood or Zellers? I honestly don’t know, but it certainly did a better job of surpassing what I anticipated.

Expectations: they can mess with your head.

Final Evaluation: What would you do to have one of these again?
Giant exists in a bit of a burger wasteland in Calgary, so if you are in the area of Bow Trail/17th Avenue SW you may be tempted to go to Giant Instead. But, a little bonus for you this week kids, because if you simply dart into nearby Westbrook Mall you can hit Extreme Burger instead, which isn’t half-bad (and still to be officially reviewed BQ).

The fact that a food court burger is better than Giant, kinda tells the story doesn’t it?